Kid Cudi was one of the pioneers of what many call “emo rap,” or rap music that centered on exposing one’s oft-hidden inner feelings.
His music, from the groundbreaking production work on Kanye West’s “808s and Heartbreak” to his own hit single “Welcome to Happiness,” is full of empty spaces and minor-key melodies. In other words, it’s often filled with sorrowful sounds, and the lyrics accompanying tend to follow suit.
On Tuesday night, Cudi posted a deeply honest and, to some, emotionally devastating note on his Facebook page announcing that he has checked himself into rehab “for depression and suicidal urges.”
The stream-of-consciousness message is written in an almost breathless, manic manner – full of typos and sharply shifting thoughts.
“I am not at peace,” it read. “I haven’t been since you’ve known me. If I didn’t come here, I wouldve done something to myself. I simply am a damaged human swimming in a pool of emotions everyday of my life. Theres a ragin violent storm inside of my heart at all times. Idk what peace feels like. Idk how to relax.”
In the message, Cudi claimed he hasn’t been able to leave the house or make new friends because of his mental ailments.
“My anxiety and depression have ruled my life for as long as I can remember and I never leave the house because of it,” Cudi wrote. “I cant make new friends because of it. I dont trust anyone because of it and Im tired of being held back in my life.”
The post continued, “I deserve to have peace. I deserve to be happy and smiling.”
Added Cudi, “Why not me?”
Finally, he concluded, “Ill be back, stronger, better. Reborn.”
The 32-year-old signed the post with his real name, Scott Mescudi.
Fans showed appreciation for his comments. In a reply that was liked more than 11,000 times, one commenter wrote:
“God bless you for opening up about and you get all the help you need and have no shame. Proudly see that therapist, take your pills, and turn off social-media whenever you have to; you don’t need to answer to anybody.”
Last week, Cudi released the track list for his new record, titled “Passion, Pain & Demon Slayin,'” which features Andre 3000, Travis Scott, Pharrell Williams and Willow Smith. The record was scheduled to drop Sept. 30, but Cudi announced on that day that the release would be delayed “due to some minor sample clearances still being finalized.”
In his post Tuesday night, Cudi assured his fans that “the album is still on the way.”
“I wont be around to promote much, but the good folks at Republic and my manager Dennis will inform you about upcoming releases. The music videos, album release date etc. The album is still on the way. Promise. I wanted to square away all the business before I got here so I could focus on my recovery.”
Cudi’s music has long been known for its emotional, and often sad, content. For example, in “Don’t Play This Song,” he rapped, “Pain, hurt, sadness and loneliness / Bottled all that s– right up / Tossed it away to the bottomless pit … Reckless and young and my, my mom’s calling / Think I should hit decline / I’m numb-faced while I’m thinking ’bout suicide.”
The young rapper became well known after helping write and produce two tracks on Kanye West’s “808s & Heartbreak,” including the album’s cornerstone “Heartless.”
“‘Heartless’ made 808s & Heartbreak happen,” he said on Beats 1 Radio. And, as The Washington Post noted, “it’s his influence on that project that forecast his potential as a solo artist.”
Although its sales were lackluster compared to other West releases, it may have been his most important. There’s argument to be made – and that has been made – that it changed pop music.
“The only thing more influential than the album’s sound might be its tone: bitter, confused, self-pitying, defensive, and accusatory,” Pitchfork’s Jayson Green observed. That influence can be heard in Cudi’s solo work along with that of Drake, one of the world’s most popular pop stars.
Most recently, Cudi had been in the news for publicly feuding with West, who once served as his mentor and repeatedly called Cudi his “favorite living artist.”
Cudi is the latest in a string of celebrities to openly discuss their battles with depression. Run-DMC’s Darryl McDaniels wrote about his suicidal thoughts in a new memoir, and Bruce Springsteen opened up about his own 30-year battle with depression, also in a new memoir. After being diagnosed with lupus, Selena Gomez paused her tour to deal with “anxiety, panic attacks and depression.”
Featured Image: Kid Cudi/Facebook
(c) 2016, The Washington Post · Travis M. Andrews ·
